Day 40 Cruise - Unscheduled diet break

I still haven't gone below the 74, but it doesn't surprise me since I haven't really been able to follow any kind of diet for the past two days. I don't feel bad, it wasn't a situation I could control in any way, so I ate what was available. I didn't over eat, I didn't binge, I just ate outside of the diet. 

Today it is back to normal. I couldn't start the little attack I wanted yesterday, and I do not have any food in the house today, so I will have to do it for only two days.

a beautiful day

There is just one thing I realized, which makes me happy. I have not been moving towards my goal really fast, there have been hiccups along the way, but the frame of mind I am in is what tells me that I will continue. I don't think, well since I already lost two days what is the point? I know I am on a diet until I reach my end goal. It doesn't matter if there is an unscheduled detour, or if I go on vacation, or if I just fall off the wagon. I am in this for the long haul. 

This feeling gives me hope, because I don't think I had ever had such determination or commitment to losing weight. On Monday I start bootcamp again, even if it will be interrupted by my trip, but then I will continue full force.

Hope everyone else is having a healthy day!

Day 36 Cruise - out of it

I weighed myself this morning, but I don't remember the number. It isn't the real thing anyway. I have been feeling out of sorts all weekend, and it has continued on through the beginning of the week. 

I kind of hate how my body behaves this part of the month. I went to an endocrinologist last year and she said that all the symptoms I had would disappear if I lost 10% of my body weight. I went to her because I didn't seem able to lose weight, no matter what, so you can tell she didn't believe me and also that she was no help at all. 

I am almost at that 10% loss, I haven't really gotten there  yet. I am about 1 kilo away. I am not feeling defeated, I am not feeling like I want to give up, not at all. I am just feeling depressed. It probably doesn't even have anything to do with the diet. It is just the way it is. Hopefully at the 10% loss and beyond I will start feeling I have even more control over my body, no matter what day in the monthly cycle I am on. 

I am going on a 10 day trip next week, and I am probably going to stray from the strictness of the diet. I will be walking all day though, waking early, going to bed late. I am positive I won't gain weight, I just hope I can lose some. Before I go I am going on a mini attack. Maybe 3 days starting this Friday. 

It is TOTM soon, and I know my body is already getting ready to piss me off. 

What a complicated relationship we have!

Hope everyone else is having beautiful days of careless dieting!

Day 32 Cruise - 1 Month!

Today's Weigh-in: 74 kgs

Lost since January 8th 2012: 7 kgs
Lost since March 20th: 3.7 kgs

Today it has been a month! My first month on Dukan Diet 2.0 and I have lost 3.7 kgs, which is a bit below my 4 kgs a month goal, but still not totally despicable. My first time around on Dukan, before I had to take a break due to the fact I basically didn't have a kitchen and then my dad came to visit, I lasted 41 days and lost 4.4 kgs. During my break I put some of that back on, but it rapidly came off when I started Dukan 2.0. 


This months has been LONG! It is not the diet I mind, I have been on a diet for most of my life in one way or another. Even when I wasn't I was thinking that I had to be, so it would be the same thing. I like being on a diet because at least I am in control. It just feels long because I am way impatient, I wanna be thinner NOW, I wanna look good NOW. 


It is not that being thinner will make my life easier. There is a lot I need to fix to make myself happy, but losing weight is definitely a conduit. I have a LOT to fix, just because I am sort of aimless right now. I don't have a clue what I am doing with my life, and it doesn't seem like I will get a solution any time soon, but at least I do have a goal now. The way I think of it is, even if I didn't do much with 2012, let it at least be the year when I lost those annoying and self-deprecating 20 kilos. 


Those 20 kilos have been weighing me down in more ways than the obvious. I have been hiding behind being fat, as if it wasn't my fault. I couldn't help it, I didn't even eat that much. And part of that is true, it doesn't take much to make me gain weight, but it shouldn't be an excuse. Some of it wasn't my fault, and part of what wasn't my fault got fixed and now I have no excuses. I can't keep on blaming my life on things I can't control, nor keep on hiding from life, just because I don't feel pretty. 


I know that a big part of my insecurities have come from gaining weight, but not all of them. So this will be the year I lose the 20 kilos of fat, but also the 20 kilos of insecurities and self blame. I am 35% there, can't wait to see what the next 65% will bring.

Day 31 Cruise - Naughty but nice

Today's Weigh-in: 74.1 kgs

Lost since January 8th 2012: 6.9 kgs


First of all, I am no longer tracking gains. They make me sad and they are not really gains. It takes as much work to gain weight as it does to take it off. I mean, not exactly. It is much easier to eat all you want than controlling what you eat, but you don't gain a kilo over-night unless you really really over did it. Drs and Nutritionists say it takes 3500 calories to gain a pound. So if to maintain you would eat 2000 calories, it means you would have to take in 5500 calories in one day to gain a pound, which isn't even half a kilo. 


If you are behaving, a gain could be anything, it isn't real. If you are misbehaving then it is another story. The only reason I still think it is good to weigh yourself each day, is to keep track of these fluctuations. You might be doing something wrong without knowing. Maybe that cheese you bought has more calories than you thought. Maybe, the meat you bought is more fatty. You might be taking in too much salt, eating too much yogurt. The important thing is that the scale keeps you honest. So, even if it takes a LOT to gain a pound over night, it doesn't take that much to gain it over a few days.

Palazzo Barberini, from my sight-seeing on Sunday

I am saying all this because I had a naughty day. It was brought on by not having lunch and going sightseeing for hours, so I bought a piece of pizza al taglio on my way home because I was starving. The thing is, later that night I wasn't even hungry anymore, but I had some speck which is smoked prosciutto. It wasn't that bad if you count the calories consumed that day, but you can tell it is just bad behavior brought on by bad behavior. Plus, speck is really really salty, so I suffered some bloating the days after. 

The bad thing is not that I fell off the wagon, it is the thought process behind the falling off the wagon. I just wanted to misbehave. I was almost masochistic about it. In any case it is over with. I got it out of my system and I am back on track. It just makes you wonder, the hoarding mentality, of thinking, well I screwed up, I might as well eat all I can find now. Ok, I didn't eat all I could find, but I thought about it. 


I honestly believe a few cheat meals are not a bad idea. They actually give your body a jolt, especially when you hit a plateau. When they are rational, when they are planned, when they are controlled, it is not bad to eat something not in the diet. Not often. Not more than once a week, preferably much less than that. What kind of scared me was that I didn't care about myself when I made the decision of eating more. I wasn't hungry. Eating the pizza isn't what bothers me, I can deal with that and not feel guilty. It was what came after. That is what is dangerous for a diet. 


The important thing is not to feel defeated by one mishap. The goal is so much more important than anything else. If you are on this journey it is because it really matters. If you are really willing to lose the weight, the bigger picture is what counts. Your weight will fluctuate, you will be happy some days, less happy others, but if you keep at it, if it is really more important to you to lose weight than to eat a piece of pizza, you will get back on track and you will lose the weight. 


One more thing, I got a massive headache the day after I had the pizza. I guess it was the wheat. Crazy how I went back to eating right and it was gone. 

Day 27 Cruise - My body and I

Today's Weigh-in: 74.5 kgs

Lost since January 8th 2012: 6.5 kgs


We all know how it goes: you lose a bit, you stop, you linger, you bounce, you push, you lose again. 
It is starting to feel normal. Almost a month into this second diet stint and I am getting used to it. I wake up every morning, look at the scale, and I already know before getting on it where the scale is going to go. I know if I am due a loss, or just a linger, or maybe even a slight gain. 
The good and happy feeling I get is that I am finally able to connect to my body. Ever since I started having issues with my thyroid I stopped knowing what my body would do. I don't think there is anything worse than feeling removed from yourself. Not knowing how your actions are going to result on your body is frightening. Having no control is frightening. Ever since I was prescribed T3 though I have been more in control. I am able to diet and lose weight. I no longer starve myself only to see myself gaining weight. 
It has been a hit and miss for sure. I had to re-learn to communicate with my body and finally I think we are having a nice relationship. I promised to treat my body well, and it has responded by looking better in the mirror. We are happy. 

Day 25 Cruise - Where are my PP Days?

Yesterday's Weigh-in: 74.4 kgs

Today's Weigh-in: 74.3 kgs

Daily Loss: 0.1 kgs


I have a confession to make. I have NOT been good about having Pure Protein days. I haven't wanted to. There is a part of me that opposes is it completely. I feel it is not good for me. That said, I am thinking that to hurry things along I will do a mini-attack a month. A person can stand a strict diet for a few days at a time, it is the no foreseeable end in sight that derails diets. 


For now, I am happy with my veggies, and I even have the occasional berries with my greek non fat yogurt. When I feel I need more fiber I have even eaten a banana, and it has been wonderful. I am counting calories though, trying to stick to 1000-1200 calories a day, just to make sure that the fruit does not make me go overboard. So I guess I haven't been Dukan strict, but it has been working nevertheless. 


As for exercise, I am on week 2 of C25K. It is really hard for me, because my knee hurts while "running" - it is more of a shuffle really - and I don't have that much strength on my left leg, but I am still doing it. Also, while boot camp is on hiatus, I am doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. Since I don't do it every day, I am only on Day 6 of Level 1. I am getting stronger though, and I am loving the fact that each time I exercise I get better. 


This week post ToTM has been nice. I prefer slow and steady, versus huge ups and downs, with the eventual Whoosh. If I could lose 150 grams every day until Goal Weight I would be soo happy. It would be nice if weight-loss was as simple as a formula, where you know exactly what to do for the desired result. Sadly it is a bit more complicated than that. But one thing is sure, if you diet and you exercise you will get there eventually. It is hard work, but if it wasn't we would all be thin.

Day 23 Cruise - 2nd Mini Goal Achieved!

Yesterday's Weigh-in: 75.6 kgs

Today's Weigh-in: 74.7 kgs

Daily Loss: 0.9kgs

FINALLY!!!! It took forever,but I got to the 74s. Hopefully the scale will not go towards 75 again! Having a Mini-Goal, besides the Big Final Goal, is a good idea, because you fight for them, with all your might. When you reach them you don't just stop though, because it was only a small step towards the final goal. You celebrate, you bask in the light of accomplishment and then you push up your sleeves and get back to work.

Losing weight is A LOT of hard work. At least for me. It is not just a mindless thing I do in the back of my mind. It is not JUST eating right, eating less, or in the case of Dukan, eating  only the allowed list of foods. For me losing weight is thinking about it ALL the time. I wish it wasn't the case, I wish it was an after thought. But the truth is, if food was just an after thought, I wouldn't need to diet. 

I am definitely hoping that once I reached the weight I want, eating the way I do, but especially exercising, will just be a part of who I am, and not an all consuming obsession. For now, I am doing everything in my power to concentrate on the Prize. For now, I am really happy about this accomplishment. I am down 3kgs since I started Dukan Cycle number 2 and looking forward to shedding the next 14 and beyond.

Day 21 Cruise - 2.6 kgs in 3 weeks

Morning Weigh-in: 75.1 kgs

Weekly Loss: 0.0 kgs

I haven't posted my weight in a while, I didn't want the influence of my "cycle" on my weight to be a deterrent to my journey. I know how hard it is for me to lose weight, I was just expecting a bigger loss than 2.5 kgs in 3 weeks. However it might be a result of all the exercise I have been doing. Fat percentage this morning was 35.8%, which is one percentage point less than last week. So since I am at the same weight I was last monday, it would mean I lost 750 grams of fat. I will take that, even if I don't trust the fat readings in my scale. I think it will be very good in the long run, when differences will be bigger and not affected by changes in water retention and other things that might affect the readings.

The other day I read that slow metabolizers (me) should avoid dairy all together, while carbs are not so bad for us. I do think dairy is bad for me, and I am trying to have it only in the morning. Maybe I should try to avoid it altogether, although it is very, very hard for me. Nothing means morning more than my non fat latte. But who knows, if it is that detrimental for me, I might be able to live without it! 

I am not on the other side of my TOM yet, so I still have hope I will see a Whoosh this week and that it will be the extra jolt I need to keep going and keep pushing. I am so determined, that even the scale isn't able to make me frown. I hadn't felt like this in a long time. I do see a difference in the mirror, I see a difference in my clothes. I feel better too and I am very much energized by the exercise. This is who I want to be. I want to continue exercising after the weight is gone, I want to continue to eat right after the weight is gone. So whatever the scale says I will keep on going, but I would be lying if I said I don't hope for a big whoosh every morning. I also wish I were a more patient woman, but maybe that is another lesson I need to learn on this journey.

Day 17 Cruise - To be a Woman!

No weight stats today.. as it is useless. I am waiting for my time of the month and even if I am weighing myself it is only out of habit and curiosity. I know what it says is not a reflection of my diet.
That said, to be a woman on a diet is HARD! When men diet, and are responsible with it, they lose weight faster and with less effort. However, that is not what bothers me. I don't mind working hard for something. What does bother me in my diet, which is why I envy dieting men, is the fluctuations on the scale. Men don't experience them, and if they do I am sure not to the degree we do.

Somebody should invent a scale that tells you how much of our weight is not really ours, but is owned by our hormones.

End of rant. For now, I am waiting anxiously for next week. I hope my patience and hard work will show.

Happy Easter!

Day 14 Cruise - Hungry

Morning Weigh-in: 75.1 kgs

Daily Loss: 0.1 kgs

Today hunger has been attacking like it hadn't in a long time. Well, it isn't really hunger. You know the feeling. You need food, but nutrition has nothing to do with it. In ketosis it doesn't happen normally. But I am a woman, and this is me on PMS! All the symptoms are alive and well, and the inexplicable need to fill a void in the middle of my stomach is here, with a vengeance. The good news is that I can snack on Dukan friendly food. 

I bought some turkey bresaola and had it with cottage cheese and some organic rye groats bread. I know it isn't very Dukanish, but it has only 30% carbs, which is really low. All the breads I saw had at least 80% carbs. It is delicious. I am giving it a try to see the effect it has on my diet. The excuse is of course PMS and the fact that Boot Camp today completely obliterated me. 

I asked my Boot Camp coach today if it is true that if you don't eat carbs and you exercise you might have a slight reduction in muscle. He said that protein creates muscle but that carbs provide energy. This is not a  surprise to me as I have been researching on the subject. Some of my research said that if you don't have any carbs that if you exercise agressively then your body might take the energy it needs from the muscle. However it is also true that among all diets, the one that provides you with the lowest reduction in muscle tissue is a low-carb, high-protein diet. My coach said he doesn't eat carbs often, and if he does they are the organic, whole grain type, but he does have oatmeal every morning. 

For the first time in the longest time I am energized. I wake up early, I am exercising a lot and I am everything but lazy, which isn't very normal for me. However, despite being so active I feel I am weak, like I don't have the energy to do all I want. I am trying to eat more and add a little bit more of energy to my life, without letting it affect my weight-loss. I am  looking to get on the other side of my Time of the Month and see a nice, friendly number on my new, shiny scale!

Day 13 Cruise - weight down, fat up?

Morning Weigh-in: 75.2 kgs

Daily Loss: 0.2 kgs


I guess that with this new scale I have managed a new way of bumming myself out in the morning!! Maybe I haven't really figured out how this whole fat measurement thing works. I was so happy last night because I stepped on the scale and my "fat weight" was down in kilos, not percentage, even if my normal weight was up (it was 11pm after all). Then this morning... UP! I even did what the instructions say, after I weighed myself as soon as I woke up, I waited 30 minutes, because that is supposed to take care of the fact you were lying down all night and move the fat around to its normal position. Well, no fun! Fat went up even further, and the weight went up to 75.4 after drinking water. I think I prefer to weigh myself while completely dehydrated, thanks!!!


In any case, I decided I don't care. I am working hard, and I am doing this. No matter what the scale says. It can't resist me forever. I will get to my next goal next week, and I will continue on the journey to achieve my TRUE weight, with a new and improved body composition. By the way, I saw on different blogs people talking about their Dukan True Weight and it not being low enough for some, or maybe too low for others. My Dukan True Weight hit right on the spot. I mean I would LOVE to go down to 56kgs, but that isn't a realistic weight I can maintain in the Long Run. At least I haven't in the past. At 61kgs I was happy, I looked fit and felt wonderful. I am not saying I won't try to get to 56 kgs, I will, and maybe a new athletic, low fat me will be able to pull it off. For now 61 is my goal. We will see what the future brings.