Daily Gain: 0.1 kgs
Another gain today :( A tiny one, but still a gain. I try very hard not to take too much notice, I know my body and how irrationally it behaves. Sometimes while on a diet I might actually gain a few kgs, before going further down. I can't say I think it is the food. It can't be. 12 ounces of fat free milk and a few spoons of fat free plain yogurt CANNOT be making me gain weight. I am more thinking it could be the salt in the bresaola. Or something.
I did go to bootcamp yesterday, so I might have sore swollen muscles. In any case I am determined NOT TO GIVE UP. Hence I basically have avoided dairy after breakfast and have only had chicken for lunch and meat for dinner. This time around I am way too determined to be the best I can possibly be, and I can't be my best carrying around more than 15 kgs of overweight. Besides, I am a strong person, I fight for what I want.
For some reason though I have always been scared to be the best I can be. When I was in my teens I was always told by older boys to call them up when I was older. Everyone has always told me I am beautiful but I have never really felt it. I was even told recently by a friend that I was pretty now, but I would be stunning if I lost the extra-weight. I am not so sure though. I know 90% of beauty comes from attitude, so what good is it really to be beautiful if you don't act like it? And also, if I COULD be beautiful, why am I so scared of it?
Part of me thinks that I rather not be loved because I am ugly, than because I am unlovable. It hurts just to write that. But I guess that is why I decided to write this blog. Maybe if I exorcise my monsters it will be easier to stay on my path.
Hopefully the scale will be my friend again tomorrow.
Another gain today :( A tiny one, but still a gain. I try very hard not to take too much notice, I know my body and how irrationally it behaves. Sometimes while on a diet I might actually gain a few kgs, before going further down. I can't say I think it is the food. It can't be. 12 ounces of fat free milk and a few spoons of fat free plain yogurt CANNOT be making me gain weight. I am more thinking it could be the salt in the bresaola. Or something.
I did go to bootcamp yesterday, so I might have sore swollen muscles. In any case I am determined NOT TO GIVE UP. Hence I basically have avoided dairy after breakfast and have only had chicken for lunch and meat for dinner. This time around I am way too determined to be the best I can possibly be, and I can't be my best carrying around more than 15 kgs of overweight. Besides, I am a strong person, I fight for what I want.
For some reason though I have always been scared to be the best I can be. When I was in my teens I was always told by older boys to call them up when I was older. Everyone has always told me I am beautiful but I have never really felt it. I was even told recently by a friend that I was pretty now, but I would be stunning if I lost the extra-weight. I am not so sure though. I know 90% of beauty comes from attitude, so what good is it really to be beautiful if you don't act like it? And also, if I COULD be beautiful, why am I so scared of it?
Part of me thinks that I rather not be loved because I am ugly, than because I am unlovable. It hurts just to write that. But I guess that is why I decided to write this blog. Maybe if I exorcise my monsters it will be easier to stay on my path.
Hopefully the scale will be my friend again tomorrow.
Dont be too discouraged, it doesnt sound like its the dairy. It could be the salt, not enough water, and I'm sure the bootcamp could make you retain water along with salt?!?!
ReplyDeleteAre you making sure that you're eating enough and not making your body go into starvation mode?
I totally empathise with your feelings, for me I think its fear of failure. I am a perfectionist and always expect too much from myself. I too had similar comments from boys / friends / family but I never believed it and always hated the attention I received, I felt very self conscious. The weight came on as a cover, I didnt have to show people who I really was because they would look at me and dismiss me purely based on my size and I was fine with that. It does help to talk about these things and figure your emotions out. I know I have and as I'm losing weight I'm feeling much more confident than I ever have before, I still have nagging doubts occasionally but time is a great healer.
Chin Up, onwards and downwards, Sonia xoxo
Hello Sonia, thanks for your words of encouragement, they mean a lot. I am determined this time, and I am working through my fears and determined to make my life what I want it to be. I have been following your blog and I am amazed at your strength and determination, you are definitely a role-model to many. Thanks for that as well.
DeleteThanks for the compliments Fab. I have never thought of myself as a role-model, I suppose I know me, I know that I dont always feel strong and confident, its a struggle to balance being successful on Dukan with everything else in my life, but what is the alternative, go back to how I was? That really isnt even an option for me anymore, once you stick with Dukan for any length of time without cheating, you realise how life changing it can be. You sound motivated and confident and I think that is half the battle. Believe that you are worth it and anything is possible, I know it sounds like a cliche, but it is true. Stay strong and I hope the scales start being kinder. Im sure they will. xoxo
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