Daily Gain: 0.1 kgs
Another gain today :( A tiny one, but still a gain. I try very hard not to take too much notice, I know my body and how irrationally it behaves. Sometimes while on a diet I might actually gain a few kgs, before going further down. I can't say I think it is the food. It can't be. 12 ounces of fat free milk and a few spoons of fat free plain yogurt CANNOT be making me gain weight. I am more thinking it could be the salt in the bresaola. Or something.
I did go to bootcamp yesterday, so I might have sore swollen muscles. In any case I am determined NOT TO GIVE UP. Hence I basically have avoided dairy after breakfast and have only had chicken for lunch and meat for dinner. This time around I am way too determined to be the best I can possibly be, and I can't be my best carrying around more than 15 kgs of overweight. Besides, I am a strong person, I fight for what I want.
For some reason though I have always been scared to be the best I can be. When I was in my teens I was always told by older boys to call them up when I was older. Everyone has always told me I am beautiful but I have never really felt it. I was even told recently by a friend that I was pretty now, but I would be stunning if I lost the extra-weight. I am not so sure though. I know 90% of beauty comes from attitude, so what good is it really to be beautiful if you don't act like it? And also, if I COULD be beautiful, why am I so scared of it?
Part of me thinks that I rather not be loved because I am ugly, than because I am unlovable. It hurts just to write that. But I guess that is why I decided to write this blog. Maybe if I exorcise my monsters it will be easier to stay on my path.
Hopefully the scale will be my friend again tomorrow.
Another gain today :( A tiny one, but still a gain. I try very hard not to take too much notice, I know my body and how irrationally it behaves. Sometimes while on a diet I might actually gain a few kgs, before going further down. I can't say I think it is the food. It can't be. 12 ounces of fat free milk and a few spoons of fat free plain yogurt CANNOT be making me gain weight. I am more thinking it could be the salt in the bresaola. Or something.
I did go to bootcamp yesterday, so I might have sore swollen muscles. In any case I am determined NOT TO GIVE UP. Hence I basically have avoided dairy after breakfast and have only had chicken for lunch and meat for dinner. This time around I am way too determined to be the best I can possibly be, and I can't be my best carrying around more than 15 kgs of overweight. Besides, I am a strong person, I fight for what I want.
For some reason though I have always been scared to be the best I can be. When I was in my teens I was always told by older boys to call them up when I was older. Everyone has always told me I am beautiful but I have never really felt it. I was even told recently by a friend that I was pretty now, but I would be stunning if I lost the extra-weight. I am not so sure though. I know 90% of beauty comes from attitude, so what good is it really to be beautiful if you don't act like it? And also, if I COULD be beautiful, why am I so scared of it?
Part of me thinks that I rather not be loved because I am ugly, than because I am unlovable. It hurts just to write that. But I guess that is why I decided to write this blog. Maybe if I exorcise my monsters it will be easier to stay on my path.
Hopefully the scale will be my friend again tomorrow.
